Drop-Off Dinners

On being a villager — and why I started showing up with food.

Before I had kids, when someone sagely said “it takes a village,” I’d nod along and give an emphatic “absolutely.” Nobody can do it all. We need to lean on each other. How vital for children to receive loving support from trusted adults outside their own parents. I believed all of it. I just had no idea how reality didn’t quite match the ideal in my head.

Then I had a baby, and — wait. Where’s the village? Is there a hotline I missed? An instruction manual to send to loved ones letting them know I’d just gone from a low-support-needs adult to a “dear God I need help” adult? A handful of friends brought meals in those early weeks (I still remember each one, still grateful). My family was there for big moments and weekly check-ins …but after we were home, after about two weeks (right when the sleep deprivation symptoms started) the visits essentially dried up.